Take the leap
Hey. It's been a while. I know I've been radio silent in the blogging world for the last 3 years. See here's the thing.. for some time I've felt like I had to throw in the towel. With all the changes happening in my life at that point, I was not feeling creative and as passionate about putting my work out there. There were a lot of insecurities and negative narratives going on inside and I felt I had to stop. I didn't know that I was ever going back. I was done. I was tired.
But then a shift happened and I realized just how much I missed the hustle. To have a platform - a small corner of the internet that was just mine. I forgot how good it felt to be in my element. Mostly I've been needing to find purpose again in what I do and why I do it. I think most creative individuals can understand the feeling of taking a needed pause whenever you start doubting yourself and your true intentions. I felt my authenticity slipping away I wasn't feeling like taking it back. And for as long as it took me to get back to my grind, I'm glad I did it. I needed a breather.
I've been networking a lot lately. Meeting new people, seeing new places, and being exposed to all sorts of contagious happy energy. That's what made me realize all the things I've been cheating myself out of because of the fear. I don't know about you but I get affected a lot (almost too much) by the energy of people around me. And nobody's got the time for downer vibes. When I catch myself about to spiral, I take a step back and breathe. Just focus on that and take it one step at a time. It's never been more clear to me that I overwhelm myself a lot because my brain is going too fast for me to keep up. And before I know it, I'm upset - with myself. For not being fast enough, good enough, whatever it was, just not enough.
And that shouldn't be the case ever. In the beginning of 2018 I promised to practice more self-love and just accepting myself for who I am, what I'm capable of, and what I'm not. I guess you can call me hyper-realistic with a pessimistic twist. But I'm learning to forgive myself and go easy on me little by little everyday. It's definitely a constant work in progress. And now I find myself here, writing this blog post and ready to jump back in cannonball style. I'm gearing up to take the leap soon and satisfy this nagging hunch I've had inside for a while - one that I know I will kick myself if I don't do it. If not now, when? That's a scary question to answer because of all its unknowns and what-ifs. But not trying would be agony. Life's too short! You just have to keep going.
Have you ever felt like calling it quits on your own business / creative brain child? How did you pull yourself out of the dark? Hit me up.